Some Thoughts on Prayer

I was talking to someone about how hard it is to pray when I feel like God is not listening or maybe even like he is not even there.  No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that, yes, he is there and, yes, he hears me, it just feels fake.  It feels like I am talking to myself.  That feeling can be so discouraging.

I am not an expert on prayer; I am just someone who loves Jesus and claims entrance into God's family through Jesus's death on a cross and resurrection from the dead.  Sometimes God's presence seems overwhelming and undeniable and prayer comes naturally.  Sometimes I feel doubt edging in that perhaps I am completely mistaken and maybe he is not really there after all. Here is what I do to keep praying anyway.

• I write out my prayers.  Instead trying to have a verbal conversation in which I genuinely cannot hear God with my physical ears or thinking prayers in my head, which can seem like just thinking to myself, I use the analogy of a letter.  The person I am writing to does not give me any response that very minute.  In fact, with other humans, it may take days or weeks, or they may read me letter and never have time to write back to me. Communication still happened.
• I write out scripture, especially the Psalms.  I find it helpful to write my way straight through, a few verses a day.  Obviously not all psalms will feel applicable the day I write them and try to make them my own prayer, but on those days, I can add my own feelings after copying out the psalm.  Sometimes praying psalms of lament or celebration on days when I feel just the opposite helps me find my own words.
• Sometimes I "pray" by just thinking through scripture.  I really like the daily meditations produced by the Jesuits called Pray As You Go.  These include music, a scripture reading, and a guided meditation about that passage, all in only about ten to fifteen minutes.
• I remind myself that relationships take time.  When I spend too little time with my husband, I start to feel distant and disconnected.  Sometimes we have to be intentional and spend time together even we might rather do separate things in order to build up our relationship and be able to enjoy being together.  And it is the same with God.  If I ignore him and fill up all the time in my life so there is none left to be pay attention to God, I feel distant and estranged.

Unfortunately, just spending time with God is no guarantee that the feelings of closeness will return, but it at least helps me put myself in a position to recognize God reaching out to me.